Sue's STory- Page 2

...However, lets put that thought on hold for a moment and return to the shaman.  In one chapter during this period of my life, I had traveled a very long distance over several different seasons to take what was called a medicine ceremony, only to be repeatedly informed upon arrival that my event had been cancelled. Confused but tenacious , I kept going and on the 3rd or 4th  attempt, I was finally greeted with some words from a chief in command that struck me as odd. He greeted me by saying " Ahhh, it's so nice of you to finally make it !" Im sure I must have looked at him with some murderous rage as Id made arrangements for animal sitters, time off work , driven through white outs and waist high snow storms at least 3 x previously.  It took me a long time after to figure those words out, but years later when I was much clearer on how we create our own realities , I finally got it.


This particular ceremony I was granted was a healing ceremony utilizing the medicine plants of the Tarahumara peoples ( Rainbow people) from Mexico / South America. This experience was one of the most  extraordinary events of my life and I found my feet even more firmly planted on my path of invisible energies and metaphysical worlds as they related to life and healing the body, mind and spirit.

All the while, I kept trying to keep one foot in worldly work, but my psychic, intuitive and esoteric selves were awakening by leaps and bounds and I was so wide open at that time, my psyche was doing things to me I didn't always understand. I felt like I was split into two People at times and like I had one foot in one world... and one foot in another. Technically I did and it would be a long time until I integrated all that, but I found an amazing book in the McMaster University Library on schizophrenia and shamanism / psychic minds which provided a deep dive of psychology, the psyche and shamanic journeying. This book greatly helped me understand what my psyche was up to and how my consciousness was operating. 

 Unexpectedly and much to everyone's shock, the doctor's wife of many years and our beloved office manager, passed away. LIfe was never the same in that family run practice and I eventually parted ways with the good doctor. Sadly , He himself passed not long after his wife and I was forced to once again turn my attention to what presented itself next along my path. It seemed as though a huge epic chapter in my life had closed. My next footsteps showed up as a teaching opportunity.  It was something Id only done small scale but  I found myself elated to land a position as a continuing education instructor for Mohawk College in Hamilton, Ontario.  I Partnered up more formally with the shaman man and we taught  Psychic Development and Shamanic Studies. This was one of the most rewarding and happiest times of my life. I found I loved teaching beyond the moon and stars and being in an academic environment suited me perfectly. I didn't mind not seeing the sun for 2 summers as I happily wrote programs,  studied works on how to teach adult students and immersed myself as if a Professor at Hogwarts.  Our second or perhaps third year in, when Id quietly heard the college was considering making our program into an officially accredited course, a new President  came on the scene and all metaphysical , Arcana and Psychic - Intuitive studies were wiped off their curriculum. He referred to it as "that stuff" and wanted none of it.  My heart was broken... but life goes on and I had no idea what was around the corner for me on my spiritual road. I was still at least teaching dance fitness and during that transition, under some extremely serendipitous circumstances, I met a man from a another country who became my tailor for my fitness and dance costumes. As I came to know him better over time, it turned out that he was heavily steeped in occult knowledge and esoterica. I spent the next 2 years loosely under his tutelage and even with a severe language barrier (we didn't have Google Translators like today):):) I found myself unlearning everything I thought I knew in metaphysics and learning new things I had never known existed. I eventually realized I was playing in a much different ball park and was clearly out of my league.  Coming from my safe, loving, positive sun ray within my shamanic foundations.... and finding myself pulled into much fiercer, much darker natured energy work of his particular cultural occult sciences...was very difficult for me. But There I was in the deep end of the pool without a life jacket.  It did teach me however that there many roads working with intangible energies. I also learned there are dangerous realms and dimensions and dangerous people can use them.  As it is with everything in life, that which can be applied for higher purposes can also be used for baser diabolical manipulations. I was too green at the onset to realize where this guy was going with his work. What happened to me then; was unthinkable. My mentors teacher was in a different country than North America. What I had no understanding of until it was too late, was that these methods of energy work I was seeing him carry out were methods many people paid high prices to access. It was a very old, very regulated system and when someone thought Id gleaned this depth of occult knowledge for free, I was psychically , remotely influenced and hit by a dart as big as the planet.  But that is an infantile way to describe it as there really are no words ...and When I finally came out the other side of that attack, my mind had splintered apart and I would never be the same. it was now a very different sort of path I was upon in my spiritual progression.  I was fighting for my life and sanity and to make some sense out of everything.  The shaman Id known had left my life for a long time  and they never stepped in once to intervene as I was pulled through the shadows of the darker occult mysteries.  They knew instinctively, on some level I didnt comprehend back then, that this was my play and I was waking up to my shadow self and I had to make my own way out of the spiders web I was ensnared in ... When I finally integrated into balance a few years later ...I became almost obsessed with trying to understand HOW it was , that someone ELSE from a far distance could affect my mental mind and spirit,  read my psyche and thoughts and had managed to remotely influence my life through their occult methods. Just like I described on my way back from N.Y. on that train, I was facing the same dilemma over 25 years later ...How was it that someone ELSE could know the hidden order of my life and even go so far as to upheavel that order with intention to harm or kill me?  Thank goodness I learned early in the game to love my questions and be patient for my answers. And thank goodness I had wise friends and family who stuck by me.  So, I did what anyone seeking knowledgeable answers would do... I scooped up every book I could find on the subject matter of remote influencing and I began to see a deep and ancient correlation to how we as humans create our own  thoughtforms every hour of every day and how there were others long before us, who already knew about such powers of the mind. In short, the great Occultist Aleister Crowley stated " Human beings are  the only animals that strive to work against themselves" and he was right. We create most of our own ills, cycles of suffering and resistance through our own psyche. We generate and animate thought forms that then can work against us when we are anxious, angry, scared, in our baser instincts and over ruminating or stuck in our stories.  Many teachings suggest "all believing equals receiving" and that is exactly correct. The trick is, many times we are not aware we hold certain beliefs until they manifest in front of us . We learn by design or by default but eventually we get it ... As one would anticipate, a few years in, the answers to my mystical questions showed up various texts, in old religions, cultural works,  psychology books and in the Metaphysical Sciences which the world still files under fiction...